Simplify.

Quintessential India: Vasintha.

Just over 2 weeks back in the US and already I am swimming in resumes, job postings, and overall blindness when it comes to my near future.  Surprisingly, it's a great place to be...even though I whine about it at times.  If there is one shred of truth for me in life, it's that God's love for me is tangible daily and it's only by His grace that I am provided for.

I really miss India.  Strangely, my Indian life feels simple in my mind compared with my Western life.  I felt something yesterday I hadn't felt in a long time...stress.  Though India is chaotic and unending in dizzying color and confusion, ultimately things slow down there and a way of life that is simple and even provincial sets in.  Even though it's a big adjustment to settle into that lifestyle, once I am in it, there is so much more room to breathe, to reflect, to grow, and to just be.  Even though I have lots of free time in my now jobless, Western life, the culture here is a swift current that is already sweeping me away...and I feel pressure to earn, to do, to connect.
  

In the midst of the unknown I am grateful that I actually feel in a pretty good place, especially compared with the transition I faced last year upon returning to the States, which was definitely tumultuous.  The reverse culture shock is much less for me now, at least in the dramatic and tangible sense, but I do think it's hitting me at a deeper soul level this go around.  I feel at a crossroads in life, though I'm not sure that I actually have to choose anything just yet.  I feel as though some "other" person or "greater" force is pushing me to decide if I am going to lay down roots or commit to a missionary lifestyle, when in reality, a missionary lifestyle is already what I've chosen and is undoubtedly what I'm called to.  Now it's just a matter of figuring out what that looks like for me (even if that means remaining Stateside for the time being) and silencing the world around me telling me how I should be living my life. Following Jesus is a seriously counter-culture move, which often means going against the grain of popular culture and thinking.  So, in short, I am a bit of a weirdo...and I am ok with that.

It's good for me to live in the midst of uncertainty for the time being because that ensures that I am constantly seeking God on what's next and remaining interruptable and ready for anything.  As I take much needed time to reflect on the last several months and reconnect with myself (since I have had no alone time in 4 months), I look forward to finding who I am again, the simplicity of Me in a culture that wants me to feel complex and busy.  I believe with my whole heart that I will at some point return to India (how could I not?) but I have no idea how soon that will be or in what capacity it will pan out.

I would LOVE prayer for finding a job and place to live since income and housing are 2 staples of normal life here.  Even if I only settle for a couple months...or a couple years, I want to make sure my time here is rich with blessing others as I continue to grow personally and come into my calling as a Christ-follower.

Here's to bringing a piece of India home with me...to loving others, to serving the Church, and to remaining flexible.

The birthday miracle.

I am finally posting a blog.  For whatever number of reasons I have sucked at posting blogs about my time in India...it mostly has to do with the fact that I have been personally responsible for posting most of our team blogs coupled with the fact that our internet is somewhat spastic and decides to quit working far too often.  Enough excuses though, 3 is a sad number of posts in blogland considering I have been in India for coming up on 9 weeks now.  Without further adieu, I bring you India-blog-post-number-four...

Today is my birthday. Today I have ended my 26th year of life and have begun to embark on my 27th.  I remember when I was a kid and my grandpa pointed that fact out to me, that when you have a birthday, you are ending the year that actually corresponds with the age you are turning...a simple bit of logic but one that my young brain had never before digested.  It made me feel so wise and mature to be able to brag that I was headed into my next year of life, since naturally it made me sound older and I wanted nothing more than to be just that: older.  It is safe to say that my mentality has changed a lot since I was a kid and all I wanted to be was another year older so I could gain more freedoms and try new things.  Though turning a year older still holds some excitement for me, it also has begun to hold weight; one year older means one year closer to actually feeling "old," one year less to live, one more year without a steady career, money in the bank, and a husband...all the things the world seems to be telling me I need to be stable.  It is significant for me to be in India on my birthday for the second year in a row because India has been so much of my life lately. God has been showing me so much of myself here (at moments that can be a scary thing) and I feel myself becoming who I am supposed to be in doing what I love doing: living cross-culturally and serving others.  Though I have insecure moments where I question if I would be better off pursuing a "real" career, I know that nothing can satisfy like doing what you feel called to be doing.  I therefore find myself completely content on the eve of my 27th year of life because I know that being here is crucial to being who I am today.

March in India marks the end of the extremely short winter here which follows the torrential downpours of monsoon season.  The joke among Indians is that the seasons go directly from winter to summer...and they couldn't be more serious.  Even though winter isn't exactly cold (at all), summer is BLAZING hot and the temperature has already climbed to the mid-90s, which feels over 100 degrees with the humidity.  Today, we visited a village church where we know the pastor and his wife.  The painstaking 3 hour service would have been awesome and enjoyable had it not been for the temperature inside the tiny concrete room.  We guesstimated that the temperature inside the room was over 100 degrees considering that when we walked back outside after 3 hours, the 90-some-odd-degree day literally felt cool.  We were all so hot and sweaty that two of us nearly fainted while sitting in chairs inside the hot oven of a room.  Suffice it to say, it was a very challenging and uncomfortable 3 hours which will help you to understand that why, a couple of weeks back when it was raining, we were beyond excited.  The first day it rained here I spent a long time outside just letting the drops hit my skin.  I got soaked but it was completely worth it, I love the rain. That very day I actually (and quite earnestly) prayed and asked God if he would bring me rain on my birthday.  This morning when I woke up the sky was clear and it was obvious that it was going to be hot and sunny. I thought about my prayer and laughed to myself thinking, "how cool would it be if it rained," and I again prayed that God would bring the rain, even though I didn't think it was at all possible considering I was doubtful God would answer such a silly prayer. Oh me of little faith... This afternoon after enduring the hottest 3 hour church service ever, a bunch of us were sitting chatting in my room and got on the subject of my prayer for rain on my birthday.  We all laughed it off and moved on to talking about something else. Less than 5 minutes later I was gazing out the window (at the very SUNNY day) and all of sudden I heard rain drops and saw wet spots multiplying on the ground.  I was so shocked that I completely interrupted Bethany and yelled, "IT'S RAINING!!!!!!!!!!"  We all ran outside and were jumping around like idiots.  The day was still bright and sunny and we all looked up into the sky asking, "where is this even coming from?!"  There was one small dark-ish cloud directly above our house (no exaggeration) and it was raining JUST on and immediately around our house!  Across the street, not 30 feet from where we were standing, the ground was completely dry and there was no rain!  I thanked God so much for the wonderful gift of joy he granted me on my birthday.  It seemed like such a silly thing but God knew that it would bring me joy as well as stand as such an amazing testament to his faithfulness because he DOES answer our prayers, even small ones!

Every day spent in India comes complete with new lessons and little glimpses into the real-ness of God.  Being here is like staring him in the face sometimes, that is how tangible Spirituality is here.  Even though I am far away from many of my friends and my whole family on my birthday, I am comforted that I am where I am supposed to be, and God is a God of miracles, JUST when we need them.

A shameless plug.

I am busy formulating something profound to write on my blog to update all of you on the status of life here...but until then, please enjoy my shameless plug comprised of pictures of myself in my new and prized sari.  I have wanted an awesome silk one forever and I finally was able to shop and buy just the one I wanted...for only 10 bucks!  Isn't India amazing?  Love you and miss you all!

The week in pictures.

An outdoor market in Dubai that was closed for the
afternoon but we still walked through it and checked out
the neat old style buildings.

The camel that I rode in Dubai.

Friends walking and shopping in Dubai.

The evening water show (Bellagio style!) in front of the
Burj Khalifa in Dubai, the world's tallest building.

Indian style sewing machine at the Ashraya house in Tenali,
a rehabilitation center for women who came out of sex
trafficking and prostitution.

Indian man climbing a huge palm tree to collect buckets
of rice wine, a substance made from fermented palm sap.
He will climb the tree, tap the fronds with a machete
and a bamboo tube and then bring down the buckets
of fermented rice wine. It is said to taste reminiscent
of Blue Moon beer...I got to taste it...it was gross!

Tapping the palm fronds to make the rice wine.

100.

This post has been a long time coming.  I have thought about what to write dozens of times...for nearly months now.  I know it's just a blog, but so many important things were evolving in my life that I was nearly too overwhelmed to form my experiences into words.  This is also my hundredth blog post, which, for my nerdy self, feels significant. So, without further adieu, I bring you post 100.

It is 5:45am in Tenali, India and contrary to my usual ways, I am awake...by choice.  Living in India shifts everything for me, the bad mingled with the good...but this is one of the good things, getting up early and enjoying the pre-dawn quiet of the day.  Ironically though, my alarm clock is the neighboring mosque and their loudly projected call to prayer. Though I am not Muslim, there is something reverent about being woken up to pray before dawn, so I have decided to adopt this habit as much as possible.  Living in a house with many other people also makes alone time rare and this seems to be just the cure for that.

When I arrived in India merely four small days ago, something epic happened within me.  A shift that I had waited my previous 6 months here to feel, finally released and I felt something I had never before felt in India...

that I was home.

It was an incredible revelation for me to feel this way, because, as you may know, my previous 6 month stint here was difficult, to say the least.  It was wrought with tough lessons, culture shock, and struggling to find myself in a culture that relegates women to something I was not used to.  I was thankful for what became known to be my 6 month India "boot-camp" and shortly after arriving back in the States last June, I realized that the Lord had merely been priming the pump for me to enter into long term ministry in India, which very much surprised me.  I immediately knew I was going to come back, I just didn't know when or for how long when suddenly the RockHarbor India Residency was on my radar...and, well, the rest is history.

Despite the small areas of discomfort here (which are of little concern to me at this point), there is so much about this country to fall in love with.  Now that I am past the portion of myself that reacted negatively, I can feel that process happening, as I was trusting it would the second time around. God's plan is so beyond perfect and beautiful, it is intricately poetic, despite my best efforts to screw it up at times.  For example, yesterday, our first full week day here in Tenali, we were told that we would be visiting one of Harvest India's elderly homes.  When we arrived, I was overjoyed to find it was a home I had visited just over a year ago on my first trip.  During my first visit there, some of the elderly people got up and shared their stories, many heartbreaking, about poor health, being forced to beg, and being disowned by their families because of their old age or windowed status.  Each person that got up to share walked directly over to me and locked eyes with me as they talked.  I was unsure why any of them did this, as I was sitting among 15 other people.  Others on my team noticed and later shared that they felt that was God confirming through that my choice to stay in India as a missionary; I personally felt as if my heart had been captured in a way it hadn't before.  It was an incredibly touching experience and I felt that truly was one of the early formative moments that started me on my journey back to India.  So, needless to say, it was extremely special for me to go back to this same elderly home and see once again many of those same faces.  I was also able to share this story with the elderly people and thank them for blessing me in a way that ultimately God used to help me come back to India.

I am thankful that the Lord has allowed me to begin to experience the true magic and beautiful intricacies of this place that has captured me. I knew before that it held my heart but it was difficult to even express why or how.  I am suddenly feeling that the mystery of India is being revealed to me and the locked door that kept me out and in the dark before has been opened and the light of understanding has flooded over me.  I see myself here, not in the sense of seeing myself living here but rather that I have been given eyes to understand myself within the context of this culture...and it makes sense.  I am finally finding my identity here...finding my voice.