Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Swing Wide the Door.

Current soundtrack: Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes

I had a good weekend.

Which makes it that much more lame that it's Monday and I'm back at work again.

I should be preparing invoices rather than blogging...but, hey, why not blog a little...or a lot?

I heard a really good sermon yesterday morning. It was about drawing really interesting comparisons of stories from the Old Testament with the New Testament account of Jesus. It was a fairly simple concept but it was a powerful reminder of how intentional God's story is. I liked it. The guy speaking opened with a story of how he was about to embark on a missions trip with a whole slew of high schoolers to South Africa. He gave a few examples of the suffering of the people there and one in particular struck me. He mentioned a 6 month old baby girl that had already been raped 6 times in her short and innocent life.

Besides the sheer horror I felt at the thought of that, hearing it was like a ton of bricks being dropped on my head.

I so easily get caught up in my life and ask myself nearly every day, "who am I and what is my purpose?" I have spent much of the past month or more trying to plan my life and the silly logistics of it, placing a ton of emphasis, thought, heart, and emotion into things that ultimately are not my purpose.

That tiny, helpless, and completely abused 6 month old...she is my purpose.

Now maybe I'm not meant to make a b-line for South Africa and seek out that specific child, but I suddenly felt the light bulb of realization illuminate the darkest corners of my life. I am a servant of God, a servant of love, and without question my purpose is to serve those who are in need. The fact that I get so stuck on myself really bums me out...where am I going to live, who am I going to date, how can I make more money, how can I be happier? Why spend a second more focusing on the things that I was not created to fulfill or be fulfilled by? Sure, I am full of questions, a need for direction, overwhelming loneliness at times, but what is more important than living out my purpose for being alive? Why do I breathe, why do I have my health, why do I have a heart so full of love it might explode out of my chest?!

Because I was created with a purpose. And I have figured out what that purpose is.

In the meantime, I have decided not to move to Colorado (sorry to those of you only finding out about this via my blog...I wish I had time to call you all and tell you every detail), I feel I am supposed to be here right now. Colorado would have been an escape for me...at a time when I need to face the storm of my life head on.

I am thrilled (and seriously blessed) to report that since I have decided to "bloom" where I'm planted, so to speak, that I have made an amazing connection with a church here and have met more people in the past 2 weekends than I have in the past 2 years! It's amazing how the blessings start to flow when we seek God's best for our lives and quit sheepishly shying away from being obedient.

I am also about to embark on another journey in life that will be incredibly difficult and full of trials, but I feel blessed in my decision to do so. I would like to remain discreet about this situation for the time being...it is sensitive and brings up a whole lot of raw emotion in me. I hope to get to a place in which I can share it with you in hopes of encouraging someone out there who may be in the same boat, but, until then, know that I am feeling the Lord's presence in my life, despite my many mistakes and failures.

Sometimes we expend so much energy, emotion, and time searching intensely for the right thing, when in reality it was right in front of us the entire time.

Open wide my eyes to see
The beauty that's in store for me.
Blind me to the flesh's stare
Endure the trial, unaware.
Encompassing the depth of love,
Cast me forth with gentle shove.
Into the World, no qualm or shame,
From earth's departure, freedom came.

1 comment:

  1. i love you girl. so happy the Lord's teaching you so much right where you're at and your facing up to it, not running away. i'm proud of you. let's hang out again when you're not so ZIPPY, ok?! hehe