Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Carpe Diem.

I am excited about some things on the horizon in my life.

I am not quite ready to spill the beans just yet, but know that you will know when I feel ready to discuss all the awesome details.

I am home sick from work today. That turned out to be a real blessing...I have been able to get a lot of things done from the comfort of my bed with only my laptop and cell phone. I have paid all my bills, done my taxes, and worked out a little glitch in the posting of my bachelors degree.

I also cut up all my credit cards.

That's right. I have decided to completely take charge of every aspect of my life that I haven't really been paying much attention to. Yes, the economy sucks and I have money issues (who doesn't?) but I refuse to continue to fall prey to the evils that are credit card companies. I need to control my spending even better than I do now...and trust me, I have come a long way in the last year. The only way to really stop using on credit is to ditch the cards. So I did.

Yes, I am scared. Yes, I wonder how certain things will get paid for when I am stretched to the max and my paycheck has covered my rent and bills, leaving me with little else to pay for gas and food...but, come on, I believe wholeheartedly in the God of the Universe and I don't think I will end up on the street in the gutter any time soon.

Here's where faith truly becomes action.

Wish me luck.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Ode to the questionnaire

Have you ever felt annoyed at the sheer amount of dumb questionnaires people post on MySpace and Facebook? I'm sure you have, I know I have. Who was the last person you kissed, who are you missing, who do you like?! How about questions with more content (that come to us at greater than a 4th grade level), that really allow us to get to know someone? The worst part of the lame questionnaires is that once you start reading one, it's like it sucks you in and you can't stop until you read the whole thing, loathing it all the while. The following is my attempt at not only beating my boredom at work, but also trying to set a new standard of questionnaire for the whole of the cyber universe. (I didn't come up with these all on my own, I did a little research...yes, I realize how that sounds, I'm a dork...but I am working a terribly boring job, after all.)

1. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
That probably would have depended on the day you asked me, but the occupations I can remember being really passionate about were an astronaut, a vet, and a marine biologist...ironically all science related...though I ended up with a degree in fine arts.

2. What have you done in the past week to help someone else?
Hmm...I try to help someone everyday, even in small ways...I came in early for my boss yesterday...and sometimes I do my roommates dishes...the little things can really add up so it's good to be aware of them.

3. Who is the best-dressed person you know?
Oh this one's easy, Sara Prouty. She always looks like a million bucks, even in her jeans and a sweatshirt.

4. What is on your nightstand?
A lamp, a stack of books, and my glasses.

5. If you were a cat, what kind of a cat would you be?
A big fat orange one named Ooftah.

6. If you lived in a house surrounded by acres of trees, what particular type of tree would you want flourishing on your land?
I think I would like a variety best, cherry trees so I could appreciate the beautiful blossoms in spring and the fruit in the summer, Japanese maples, orange trees, apple trees...I love me some trees. Just no palm trees.

7. What do you find to be very overrated?
Plenty. Definitely relationships, though I feel deep love with someone else can be completely worth it. Other things I find to be overrated: having money, nice cars, American Idol, coffee, and hard alcohol.

8. If you could relive one day of your life from the past, which one would it be?
Easy. The day I first stepped foot into Paris, France, saw the Eiffel Tower, and drank a bottle of French wine under the city lights at the edge of the river Seine.

9. Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes, I did one time in particular, it's hard not to when you get dumped and the person who dumped you starts dating someone else right away. See, relationships are overrated, indeed.

10. What do you most often feel enslaved to?
My own emotions.

11. If you could step inside a book or movie and live the life it is set in, which would you choose?
The answer to this would certainly change with my mood but I think right now I would step into the book, Into the Wild and be a wandering nomad with little responsibilities. I would want to be able to live not tied down to anything, to be able to travel at will to wherever the wind might blow me...but I wouldn't want to abandon my family or die young...

12. Name a lyric from the song you're listening to.
"So this is the new year? I don't feel any different. The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance, in the distance."

13. If you had to give up everything you owned but could choose to keep 3 things, what would they be?
I would definitely want to keep my bicycle, my camera, and my laptop...mainly for all the pictures on it.

14. What chocolate do you always leave in the box?
Anything with nuts or cherries.

15. What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged?
Depends on which one...one I wouldn't care, another I wouldn't care as much but I don't know if I would be really happy either, and another I would feel pretty torn up over...but what could you really do at that point? I would hope they were happy.

16. If you had to choose one song to sum yourself up in, which would it be?
Today: Jimmy Eat World - 23.

17. Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?
I think you can be both, but most likely everyone has a tendency to one or the other. I tend to be a talker...I love to talk but if someone needs me to listen I like to think I am sensitive to that as well.

18. If it were a life or death situation, would you rather part with your vision or your hearing?
Ouch, that is almost impossible for me to answer. If I gave up my hearing I would be losing a huge part of myself, my love for music and singing. If I gave up my sight I would be missing out on my intense desire to see the world and travel. Each of these senses represents an intense passion of mine...but if I HAD to part with one, I think it would be my hearing because I could still remain fairly independent if I still had my sight. This is a depressing question for me.

19. If you could choose to be with anyone at this very moment, who would it be?
Christopher...because he is the only person whom I couldn't see, no matter how much I wanted to.

20. Which TV show have you seen pretty much every episode of?
The OC, Grey's Anatomy, It's Always Sunny in Philly

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Long Division

I kind of just don't want to deal with today. At all.

The corporate big wigs are coming to pay us a little visit at some point to tell us everything we are doing wrong. I can't listen to music, as I have very much gotten into the habit of doing, and that is weirdly upsetting. It's like it offers me a piece of solace in my bleak reality...and today it's just me having to face my bleak reality with no silver lining.

The phone is barely ringing and it's freezing cold in here. I don't have a sweater. I can't seem to wake up rested these days. I feel like I have nearly been sleeping through the night, but I will get a full 8 hours of sleep and still be really tired all day. I think it has something to so with the recent onset of my back problems...and I'm not convinced my chiropractor is helping the situation all that much. Due to said back problems I am unable to run or exercise very much which I think is also adding to my low energy state and slight, perpetual grumpiness.

I think the truth is I am in a slump following a really intensely social weekend. That happens to me sometimes, I need a break after so much activity and intense interaction. I think I am feeling a slump for other reasons as well but those seem magnified by the fact that I am tired and a little off. I think just getting through this week will be a good thing. I just have some annoying and slightly stressful situations to deal with...including dealing with a car accident I got into a week ago. It wasn't that bad by any means but I was rear ended while my head was to the side and craning to look ahead of the car in front of me...it was apparently just enough to give me whip lash. I had a bad headache and intense pain within about 15 minutes after getting hit. It was a weird and freak thing. Now I am in a mini battle with the girl who hit me...she refused to give me her insurance info at the scene, she said she wanted the quote first so she could pay out of pocket for everything...and stupidly I didn't push her into it or call the cops, which probably would have made more sense but I was a bit stunned and had never been in an accident before. Now if she doesn't respond to me I will have to go after her through my insurance company by having them contact the DMV. It could potentially be messy, though I'm hoping it won't turn out that way. Luckily, at least my bases are covered on all fronts, I have her license info as well as witnessess should a legal battle ensue. On top of all that loveliness, I am in a bit of a battle with Cal State Fullerton trying to get them to sign off on and post my degree...there was some sort of clerical error involving a class they had canceled that I had to replace with another class...and now not everything matches up. It's just one of those little details that is rather important but a bit of a headache to deal with.

Sorry about griping so much, it just feels like one of those weeks for me. Plus, I am bored at work and sitting in an uncomfortable chair with back pain...and really have nothing else to do than get a little complaining out in hopes of feeling better about everything soon.

I think I need a nap. The world always feels like a much better place after a nap...

...and a piece of cake. Mmm.

move it or lose it...

i had a really good discussion with a dear friend over lunch today.

and it put a whole lot of BIG ideas into my head.

and we all know how much i love to think. too much.

some big changes may be on the horizon...but for now i revel in feeling safe, successful, loved, and happy.

i'm diving in.

Bixby Canyon Bridge

Current soundtrack: Jimmy Eat World

Are we forever destined to do exactly what we don't want to do?

It's an interesting theory of the universe...perhaps, like a magnetic force, we are drawn to make the decisions we had initially set out not to make. BUT, does that make those decisions the wrong ones? Suppose that depends. What exactly is wrong and right when it comes to a life? Clearly we aren't talking morals, ethics, laws, or rules...but more of the abstract of right and wrong. People often say, "I think I made the wrong decision" after pursuing a failed endeavor. What if we looked at that in a different way and considered that perhaps right and wrong are much more of a loose concept that have more to do with outcome than anything else...if something is only wrong if it doesn't work out then I think I disagree that the ability to make wrong decisions even exists. If we don't give ourselves the freedom to stumble upon unforeseen outcomes, then we will never experience life...we would even cease to exist at all. Life is a series of decisions and actions strung together and it is often the case that we receive at least an unexpected outcome if not an undesired one. Maybe there are no such things as right and wrong decisions, just decisions themselves.

Here is where I start to wonder about the ever-debated issue of God's will. I know I believe in God, this isn't a conversation about his existence or ultimate divinity, but more of a discussion about his direct involvement in our lives. Free will implies that we can decide to do what we want, that we are free to choose life, death, right, wrong, he, she, yes, no...whatever we want. But, if God's will exists in the way many Christians feel it does, then it seems we have to seek out God's will for ourselves in order to continually make the "right" decisions and the question of right vs. wrong has more to do with God approving or disapproving. Now here is where I think I may disagree...many times one is free to make a decision in one of many directions that aren't morally or inherently wrong...so how is it that we determine what is "right" or approved?

Does God really look at our lives and have it exactly mapped out decision to decision about what we should and should not do? I honestly don't think so. Sometimes it takes trial and error to realize who we are and what we want. When faced with a decision about something, I guess I tend to go for it and see what happens rather than not go for it based on the fear that it won't work out or that it will be the "wrong" decision. Sure there's pain, suffering, and heartache along the way but I feel life is often worth it. In the meantime, rather than hemming and hawing over what the right or wrong decision is, perhaps I need to live more and think less. I already spend too much of my life inside my head and potentially missing out on experiences.

Maybe it's time to dive in.

But when all is said and done, I am still human and still have fear...and sometimes I just want someone else to tell me what I should do...because I guess after all my theorizing, I still seek to find what's "right."


Monday, March 23, 2009


Current soundtrack: Coldplay, Viva la Vida

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and you know that everything is just a bit off that day? That is exactly how today feels...perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I didn't get enough sleep last night or maybe that it's that my day started earlier than usual or it could always be the ever-present excuse of it being the dreaded "Monday." All I know is that I feel off.

While driving to work this morning I was met once again with the familiar feeling of monotony greeting me and rubbing in how today would be just like any other day, which will be just like tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after...it's hard to think about without getting overwhelmed and feeling a bit useless.

I forgot to bring a book today to work. I'm tired. I'm under dressed. Not all feels right in the universe, yet I couldn't put a finger on what feels wrong about it.

On the positive side of life, I had a fun weekend. Draining. But fun. Let's just say it was full of friends, food, celebration, dancing, out of town guests, and Disneyland. It was good.

Beyond feeling physically exhausted, my spirit is tired. I'm not sure if it's a negative thing, I think it just is. I am continuing to learn the life lesson all about timing and how it truly is everything. It forms the absolute boundaries of a situation, one that in another time and place could literally be infinitely more or less difficult to handle. I am in a place where I feel pretty secure in who I am and though I feel confident in that, I am at a bit of a crossroads with something and am quite honestly unsure how to proceed. I think I know what I want but within that "knowing" I feel wrought with a certain amount of fear and questions. Generally, the right decisions come hand in hand with risks, I am just leery of those risks quickly becoming my reality...it wouldn't be the first time. How do you successfully transfer your wants, desires, and passions from one thing to the next without losing yourself just a little to the thing you are letting go of? I suppose it's unrealistic to feel whole in life all the time, that's just part of the journey.

One good thing in all of my current unknowns is that I don't feel rushed to decide anything, life is just sort of chugging along at a relaxed pace...even though I don't always feel relaxed about it myself. I am definitely learning to be a more patient person, the last 2 years of my life have been forcing me to step up and stretch myself to do that and I finally feel like it's starting to stick.

My office is freeeeezing right now. I think my lack of blood flow is cutting off oxygen supplies to my brain...which feels like it is slowly shutting down...





Friday, March 13, 2009

This day is history: March 13

1639: Cambridge College was renamed Harvard University

1781: Astronomer Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. Uranus!

1852: Uncle Sam was "born" as a cartoon character in the New York Lantern

1868: Impeachment trial of Andrew Johnson began

1906: Susan B. Anthony died. Bummer.

1947: The musical Brigadoon opened on Broadway. This may not seem significant to anyone else...but I did have a starring role in this musical in high school!

1973: Pink Floyd released "Dark Side of the Moon"

1985: Elana Grace Cherin was born. And Emile Hirsch. Who is my fantasy boyfriend. And subsequently starred in one of my favorite movies of all time, Into the Wild. Meant to be? I vote yes.

I hope you have enjoyed our little walk through this utterly important day in history. My last post was a bit depressing...and though I was feeling pooey at the time I wrote it, I am feeling much better this morning. It's amazing how a good night's sleep can really change your perspective.

And while riding the elevator at work this morning up to my floor, a random woman who I had never remembered seeing before, complimented me on my coat. I thanked her and she proceeded to tell me that I looked so cute every morning...because apparently she sees me walking into the building every morning. It was nicest compliment! And she didn't even know it was my birthday :)


Current soundtrack: Bon Iver - Skinny Love. On repeat.

Preface: the following is going to be a bit of a woe-is-me cathartic release. Read at your own risk and don't say I didn't warn you.

It is the eve of my 24th birthday, the eve of my 25th year of life.

And I am suddenly struck with a harsh pang of loneliness.

I'm not sure where it came from but boy did it come out of nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden, tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't help but cry. And I can't even tell you why I feel this way completely, but I think it is safe to say it's a number of things rolled up into one overwhelming pain.

I tried to call some of my close friends...no one was available to talk...and so I lamely turn to my blog for lack of a better outlet at the moment. I don't care if I sound pathetic. We all have our moments.

There is a part of me that is scared of growing older and not moving forward at the same time...like my outward body is moving on but so much of my being isn't. I know I am moving forward in life but I sometimes catch myself attempting to measure the successes of me as a person by certain measuring tapes, certain milestones that I perceive I should be attaining...and I'm not. I have always had a certain way about me that lends itself to fighting to be content, and, truth be told, this is honestly the most content I have ever felt in my life...yet there is still a bit of a nagging darkness that creeps in to jab me in the side of my sunny days and attempt to drag me down into an endless abyss of self-pity. It's gross. I hate it.

As much as I love to make my way through life experiencing everything by deeply feeling it, sometimes I come to hate my melancholic nature...especially when it sneaks up to taunt me on occasions that should be otherwise full of great joy and celebration.

I know some of this has a bit to do with a recent situation in my life that brought me to a great spiritual, emotional, and mental high...and the subsequent losing of that thing that left me suddenly and with an air of finite resolution. I might have seen it coming but I sure wasn't prepared for it when it arrived. Sorry to speak in abstract terms, I think better of revealing certain fragile and beautiful pieces of my life that are kept safe, locked away in my heart. I think you get my drift. Plus, if I talk about it too much, it seems to work overtime to bring me further from where I want to be. I have worked extremely diligently to not let this thing lord over my life; I have fought to maintain control over it so I can live normally and with progression.

So, I guess here's to another year of life, one that I know won't disappoint...even if it brings up certain growing pains here and there.

After all, such is life.

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


This is cool: http://www.npr.org/news/specials/2009/obamatracker/

Here is my limerick for today: (please note: the sub-company I work for is HQ)

There once was a girl at HQ
She thought daily, "my job is like poo."
With bum in a chair she wanted to swear
Poor sailor-mouthed girl at HQ

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Oh my goodness. I just fell asleep at work. Whoops. Guess that's what happens when you down 1000mg of prescription Naproxen.

Dear God, please remove my uterus now.

So, I considered trying to sneak listening to Pandora while working today but I decided in general that is just too risky. Luckily, though, the day is flying by...one good thing about the time change. In general I feel rather thrown off and waking up in the morning, well, forget about it. I was beyond tired this morning and was dreading having to get out from underneath my comfy and warm covers. I am quite looking forward to it staying light a lot later in the evenings; this makes all the difference considering I get off work at 5 and will now have a couple of hours of daylight left to enjoy.

Considering I am starting to train for another race the daylight is crucial to being able to go running after work. I decided that I am going to just keep signing up for different races as a way to force myself to keep up on my running. I do love to run once I get into it but I have to say I have definitely fallen out of the groove recently. I have a 10k lined up for the first weekend in April in Arizona, I am making my friend Tracy run that one with me. I am also tentatively planning on running a 10k memorial day weekend in Boulder, Colorado AND I definitely want to run the Santa Cruz Wharf to Wharf in July this year (I think that one is also a 10k).

I have horrible cramps today. Can I say that? I just did. And it's my blog. I can say what I want. So, that's that. I feel a bit like death and am so medicated I can hardly keep my eyes open. And I am supposed to run tonight. Yeah, right. I am thinking I will forgo the running in favor of a light workout at the gym and a long visit to the steam room to sweat everything out of my system. Ugh.

More later. I am in too much pain to think anymore.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Danny Boyle, I salute you.

Current soundtrack: Albert Hammond, Jr. - Como Te Llama?

For starters, Albert Hammond Jr. rocks my face off.

Secondly, Slumdog Millionaire might have made my top ten movies of all time list...as in, it DID make the list. I know, I know, I'm so behind the times considering I just saw the movie today. I have literally tried to go and see it about 3 different times and each time something came up. I was all set to walk out the door to see it on Friday night and I accidentally feel asleep instead, oops! But better late than never, as they say.

The movie was incredible. A fabulous love story about destiny and perseverance that had the perfect mixture of reality, fantasy, and even a little sprinkle of Bollywood. I loved absolutely every minute of it. The cinematography was genius, the acting was superb and believable. The harsh realities of the Mumbai slums really resonated through me and affected me deeply. I loved the incredible attention to detail...how the main character Latika always wore or was seen with a hint of yellow (made really clear at the end as she donned her yellow scarf); I love searching for little clues in movies, especially artistic ones. The film really embodies so much more than a stunning love story, it commentaries on many other noteworthy subjects including greed, cultural stereotypes, family connection, religion, and the Westernization of much of the Eastern world. I like a film that can offer me more than a hint of flowery goodness in the form of a touching plot...I need some meat with my sugar, please. Anyway, bravo to the Academy for recognizing the depth of this film and awarding it best picture. A well deserved win.

This weekend has been awesome. It's really the first completely open weekend I have had at my new house since I moved in. Not only did I get a lot done but I had a lot of fun as well. Last night I ventured out to Santa Ana with my roommate Ashley and her friend Kelly. We hit up the monthly gallery open house at the Artist's Village. It's where they open up all the galleries in the area and have live music, food, wine, and tons of patchouli wearing hippies, seriously, right up my alley. That place is awesome and we are thinking of making it a monthly ritual to head up there. I also inquired about getting in touch with a gallery to see if I could ever show...that's a big step for me considering I am not typically the type of artist that has enough confidence in my work. However, there were a couple of local photographer's showing their work, some good, some not so good...but the point is that they were getting their stuff out there and they weren't all polished and perfect but they were showing. I need to push myself as an artist for fear I might lose my artist's heart and passion if I don't. So, here's to adding to the list of 2009 New Year's resolutions.

I suppose I haven't officially made a list yet...but I do have several things in my mind. Maybe if I get them out into the cyber-universe where people will actually read them, the accountability will present itself and I will follow through. I am proud to report that one of my resolutions has already been accomplished, running a half marathon. And I did it. All 13.1 painful miles. It was awesome.

The rest of my list is as follows.

In 2009 I will:

1. Bike ride often
2. Spend less money on non-necessities
3. Join forces with an NPO I stand behind and start volunteering (this is already in the works with the org Free the Slaves, very exiting!)
4. Buy local produce at farmer's markets
5. Restore a piece of old furniture and give it new life
6. Recycle
7. Save money
8. Read a lot (got the library card in hand!)
9. Keep in better touch with my friends
10. Take thousands of pictures
11. Listen to more records
12. Start a blog (check!)
13. Discover a slew of new music

I should probably cut myself a break and stop there...although there are many more things I would like to accomplish. Speaking of accomplishing things, there are tasks to be conquered tonight before my weekend leaves me...but, for once in my life, they are things I actually want to spend my time doing...things like finishing decorating the house, revamping my iPod with all my new music finds, and finishing a book. Life is good post-college. Cheers to freedom.

Oh, one last thought, if you are not a Pandora user, you MUST become one. It's an online music website that allows you to input artists you already love and creates music stations based on your style preferences...essentially it's high quality CUSTOM online radio stations sans commercials. It's fabulous. Check it out here.

Post script: As much as I like my roommates, I love when I am home alone and can play my music VERY loud.

Life is so much sweeter with a soundtrack.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Strawberry Swing

Current soundtrack: Coldplay, Strawberry Swing (Viva la Vida)

"The sky could be blue, I don't mind, without you it's a waste of time. Could be blue, could be gray, without you I'm just miles away...and it's such a perfect day..."

How awesome are farmer's markets? Yeah, pretty awesome. I just got back from the little one in Corona del Mar...they really had great stuff. I bought fresh strawberries, blueberries, asparagus, clementines, and pink lady apples. It's amazing how much happiness I just received from this little outing. Buy fresh, buy local!

I live in the most glorious place ever. Where else can you roll all the windows down and open the sunroof while cruising the PCH along the ocean and listening to Coldplay...in March?! Welcome to Newport Beach.

And please, enjoy your Saturday.

Because a wonderful, sunny, warm, joyful Saturday it is :)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Oh, the Places You'll Go...hopefully.

I have a whole lot of schmutz in my head and I am going to attempt to painfully squeeze it out and hope that it somehow resembles a coherent thought once it emerges.

Here I am at the end of yet another week, praising all that is holy that it's finally Friday. And it hits me. Is this what the working world lives for? Wonderful Friday evenings that bring the promise of two whole days of complete freedom? You know, freedom to do all the things you have been waiting with bated breath all week to do...the laundry for instance...or cleaning, exercising, bill paying, grocery shopping, cooking...just to name a few. Do you know how depressing it is to live only for the weekend? Please, count me out.

When does life get interesting? Not that I live a boring existence but it definitely isn't the riveting every day adventure I crave. I just can't help but ask myself, is this as good as it gets? I'm pretty sure the answer to that is no...at least I hope it is. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I am the least bit unhappy in life, quite the contrary. I am loving many of the little details in my day to day, I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I am on the verge of something bigger.

Sometimes it catches me off guard, that feeling of bigger-ness being right around the corner, and makes me feel a little self conscious that I have forgotten to watch for it in anticipation and instead have taken to sitting around without ambition and blogging all day about how I want more for myself. I just look at my job and my seemingly endless debt and think, "there is no end in sight." Is that what my life will be about? Working all the time to try and break even or possibly get ahead only to die and realize it was totally worth nothing? What matters to me is love and relationships and becoming an addition to something so much larger than myself. When am I allowed to say, "enough is enough!" and begin to take those ridiculous huge and scary steps into the unknown?

What do I want? I want love to share with another person. I want love to give to those who need it. I want to reach out and offer parts of myself, my gifts, and my resources to those who have less. I want to live. Live differently than I am living now. I want to learn to better myself without taking from those around me more than I give. I want to learn how to serve the God of the universe without becoming a slave to religion and a prisoner of my own mind and heart. I want to travel. I want to fall in love. I want to stay in love. I want to see the beauty in someone that no one else sees.

I am ready to be surprised.






Do other people sit around and ponder these things? Do I live in a world filled with people who accept their status quo without ever challenging the universe for more? Am I alone in my depth of thought and feeling about my place within the human race and how I can impact my world in every way possible?

Sometimes I feel loneliest in a crowded room.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Take Two

I am on a quest to lose 5 (ish) pounds.

I don't like to diet really but I am going to cut out some things that I eat too much of...

namely soda, refined sugar, and fried foods.

I already don't eat a high fat content in my diet considering I am a vegetarian, but I do love my carbohydrates a little too much.

I just came off a crazy fitness high while I was training for my half marathon but during the last month since my race I have only run 2-3 days after which I did myself a nasty injury to the tendon in my foot. I have since healed...and since stopped running. I just got back to going to the gym and I hope that, coupled with making better food choices, will do the trick. I went down a size to a 4 and to 128 pounds (look at me being so open!) while I was running and now I feel like I'm barely squeezing into my pants. The truth is I don't own a scale right now so I have no idea how much weight I have gained...but sometimes it's best for me to not obsess over the number and instead go by how I feel and how my clothes fit. I can't afford to buy new clothes so I better fit into what I already own!

Welcome to my afternoon lull. I have too much time on my hands to just sit here at work and think about losing 5 pounds.

Other things to think about:

Dinner. I'm thinking grilled salmon on a spinach salad with feta, cucumbers, and avocado...and a glass of chilled white zin on the side. Any takers? Come over for dinner!

Laundry. I really need to wash some clothes. And vacuum my bedroom. And dust. And finish my book. There are just not enough hours in my day. I can't wait for this weekend...I have nothing planned at all, I think that's the first weekend I have had free since I moved to Newport. Ok, I take that back, I do have a haircut this weekend up in LA so I will be driving up there which takes a while but I freaking love my stylist too much to part with him, he performs magic with my hair.

Prop 8. The California Supreme Court today is hearing the challenges to the legislature that was passed in November. I would rather not state my opinion on the matter at the moment, but I will say that I am very interested on hearing the outcome of things.

My head. I have a headache.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Aliens Invade...

Ok, so, I didn't bother blogging about this earlier because I wrote it off as being some sort of weird fluke or something...

On Tuesday night just after 9pm my roommate Autumn and I were downstairs watching a movie. We had come home from the gym and getting dinner and were under the impression that our other roommate Ashley was out. All of a sudden our downstairs windows started to shake and made this awful and really freaky noise. It sounded like someone was outside hitting the windows...but our blinds were open and there was no one there. We looked at each other and Autumn exclaims, "What the heck is that?!" I just gave a blank look but my heart started to race. We suddenly heard a weird loud noise and the sound of heavy footsteps walking quickly or even running above us, either up stairs or on the roof. We flipped out and I shouted, "I think there's someone in the house!" We took one look at each other and started running for the back door. Just then we heard the voice of our roommate Ashley who appeared at the bottom of the stairs. We started laughing at the discovery that she was home and it was her we heard up stairs. She asked if we just felt that earthquake and I told her that didn't feel like any earthquake I had every experienced...I didn't feel anything shaking, just the windows. We stood there laughing and chatting about it for a few minutes when all of a sudden it happened again but at a much lower intensity. I was sitting on our couch which is against a wall and I felt a tiny bit of shaking...so naturally I assumed it was indeed another earthquake. In my whole lifetime of living in California and feeling tons of earthquakes of every size, I had never experienced one that felt like that or one that was followed by a tiny aftershock after being so small . I ran upstairs to get on the US Geological Survey website to see how big the quakes were and where they hit...and there was nothing recent listed. I figured it would take a while to update so I checked later...still nothing. I just shrugged it off and decided I would check the next day...and still nothing. Knowing I already thought those were strange feeling earthquakes, I became totally skeptical and freaked out that the USGS website didn't read any recent earthquakes. At work yesterday I started asking around if anyone had felt the earthquake from the night before...no one had felt anything. Weird. Really weird.

Finally, a break in the mystery shaking case.

This morning my coworker Stephanie asked me first thing if I had watched the news last night. I hadn't. She said there was a story about the mystery shaking that was felt in the Huntington and Newport Beach areas, right where I live. She said they confirmed it wasn't an earthquake and that many people had called in with similar stories to mine...windows and doors shaking but no ground movement...and many of those people also thought someone was breaking into their houses. Ha.

So the first thing I do when I sit down at my computer this morning is search for a story...and I found this:


It was "likely" a sonic boom.

Only they have no record of any jets with the Navy or Air force flying that night. Another thing that can cause that kind of sonic wave is the landing of a space shuttle...but there were none of those scheduled either.

I think it was really an alien invasion.

Apparently, the next morning after this little "incident," the exact same thing was reported happening in Northern California...

They are scoping things out...

Just kidding.

I hope.

Musings and Meanderings.

I am thrilled at what seems to be happening in the fight against the genocide in Darfur. The International Criminal Court finally issued an arrest for the president of Sudan on the charges of what has been happening in Darfur. Let's hope things pan out well...apparently they are still a long way from a trial. Read more about it here. This could be a huge step in resolving the conflict there and stopping the killings and torture of thousands of innocent people.

I really want a Milky Way bar. It is sitting across from me in our horrible "snack basket" for clients. Ugh. I'm not really sure why I have this weirdly intense craving for chocolate, I don't usually eat chocolate.

Oh man. I cracked. Said Milky Way has successfully made it into my hands. I'm not a girl who lives in bondage to my food consumption. I am hitting the gym tonight anyway. Look at me rationalizing my chocolate mishap. Heh.

And half of said Milky Way just made its milky way into the trashcan. What can I say, I am a girl who lives in bondage to my food consumption.

I am too tired to think of anything creative or witty to say. I just want this work day to be over and done with.

Let's discuss how horrible the earpiece for answering the phones is. By the end of the day it feels like my ear is going to fall off, it is sore to the touch. I am not exactly grumpy today but I kind of feel like whining a little. I just want my sweatpants, a book, and a cup of lemon zinger tea with honey. Mmmmmm.

And on that note, I'm too tired to write anything more. Sorry this post sucked.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Ra Ra Riot at Detroit Bar

Current soundtrack: Ra Ra Riot, The Rhumb Line

Despite my 10 (count 'em, 10) hour work day, I decided last minute to go see Ra Ra Riot play tonight after I had decided not to go in anticipation of being too tired.

I am very glad I went.

Detroit Bar is nothing but the quintessential trendy scenester hang out. Featuring low lighting, mod decor, old movies playing on retro TV screens, and all the best in the way of classic wannabe dive bar delights, I felt right at home. I made it in time to catch the end of the second band, Cut Off Your Hands, who were toe-taping worthy, albeit a bit sloppy. Overall nothing to write home about. Since I went alone, I had plenty of opportunity to people watch, one of my favorite hobbies. There was no shortage of pretty-faced boys with soft features and even softer hair dancing across their eyes, and large-purse toting, skinny jean clad, slip-on flat wearing girls. I laughed at the predictable fashions and the all too familiar Urban Outfitter catalog feel...and I couldn't get enough of it. Call me a trendy, mismatching, hipster, but I was happy nonetheless.

If the slip-on flat shoe fits...

Ra Ra Riot kicked my ass. I honestly love large bands with tons of energy... and this 6 piece rocking ensemble really brought down the house. They play nearly as tight live as they do in the studio which stands to vouch for their true musical know-how. Frankly, I would venture to say it is really the cellist and the violinist that keep the band at a notch above the rest while giving them their signature sound. The violinist was fun to watch, she literally danced in a sort of riverdance-esque sort of way while seriously ripping it up on the violin. The cellist was mesmerizingly beautiful and exotic (not a straight male eye in the house didn't notice). She was feeling everything she played with her whole body. I became increasingly envious of her whole aura as I watched. I decided that if I ever were to master an instrument and play in a band, a cello would be my weapon of choice.

The beautiful harmonies of the strings and the bouncing, catchy melodies of the guitar made everyone want to dance, you wouldn't have been able to help it, it's just that kind of music. The song Ghost Under Rocks is a pulsing, driven tune wrapped in a haunting harmony of background 'oohs'...it was quite trance-like listening to it live...it completely overtook me and I found myself with my eyes shut feeling every minute of it. Nothing beats the thumping of the bass resonating through your bones because the volume from the PAs is so overwhelming. That's what I love so much about seeing bands live, it is a completely different sensory experience than turning on your iPod.

I was more than a little overjoyed to hear the lead singer announce that they would be back in town in April...opening for none other than one of my all-time favorite bands, Death Cab for Cutie. Yes, please. Can't wait for that one.

I suppose I need to reconcile the fact that I have to wake up in a matter of hours to continue on in the real world of full time jobs and bills.

But I am ever-grateful for my soul-satisfying musical experience.

It was more than enough to tide me over until Saturday's show including Dawes (whom I hear are nearly life changing) and the always radical Delta Spirit.


Afterthought: I wonder if anyone ever actually reads what I write here...? Hmm. Ah well, I will still write, no matter the audience. Au revoir.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Birds, bikes, burns, and beer.

Current soundtrack: Madeline Peyroux

I am sunburned, sleepy, a bit sore, and extremely happy.

Sara came to visit me in Newport this weekend and we had lots of wonderful adventures. We spent most of our time clad in summer attire on our bicycles riding all around the Newport Peninsula and visiting Balboa Island. It was a perfect 77 degrees with a fresh ocean breeze in the air...and we ate up every minute of it.

One of my personal weekend highlights involves this...

my brand new beach cruiser, affectionately known as The Big Green.

She's a beauty and rides as smooth as butter on a hot biscuit.

I am personally a huge fan of my wicker basket on the front, that thing is super duper handy.

Another fun detail to the weekend was the arrival of our 2 baby doves. We have had a pair of doves (which mate for life) that have apparently nested on our patio for 3 consecutive seasons. We watched them build a nest and scope things out until one day the female was sitting in the nest and hardly ever left. We assumed she must have laid her eggs. For the last couple of weeks she sat there day and night patiently while the male would pop in once in a while to relieve her of sitting duties long enough for her to get some food. This morning when I walked outside I noticed the nest looked seemingly empty. Fearing the worst, I climbed on to one of our adirondack chairs and peeked over the side of the nest (which is inside a mounted terra cotta pot) and was surprised to see this...

From what we could figure they must have hatched some point through the night or early morning...so I took this picture only a matter of hours after they hatched. And don't worry, though the mother was gone when I found the babies, she returned shortly with food and stayed comfortably in the nest thereafter.

Such a rad little gift of nature we get to enjoy.