Saturday, May 7, 2011


Quintessential India: Vasintha.
Just over 2 weeks back in the US and already I am swimming in resumes, job postings, and overall blindness when it comes to my near future.  Surprisingly, it's a great place to be...even though I whine about it at times.  If there is one shred of truth for me in life, it's that God's love for me is tangible daily and it's only by His grace that I am provided for.

I really miss India.  Strangely, my Indian life feels simple in my mind compared with my Western life.  I felt something yesterday I hadn't felt in a long time...stress.  Though India is chaotic and unending in dizzying color and confusion, ultimately things slow down there and a way of life that is simple and even provincial sets in.  Even though it's a big adjustment to settle into that lifestyle, once I am in it, there is so much more room to breathe, to reflect, to grow, and to just be.  Even though I have lots of free time in my now jobless, Western life, the culture here is a swift current that is already sweeping me away...and I feel pressure to earn, to do, to connect.
In the midst of the unknown I am grateful that I actually feel in a pretty good place, especially compared with the transition I faced last year upon returning to the States, which was definitely tumultuous.  The reverse culture shock is much less for me now, at least in the dramatic and tangible sense, but I do think it's hitting me at a deeper soul level this go around.  I feel at a crossroads in life, though I'm not sure that I actually have to choose anything just yet.  I feel as though some "other" person or "greater" force is pushing me to decide if I am going to lay down roots or commit to a missionary lifestyle, when in reality, a missionary lifestyle is already what I've chosen and is undoubtedly what I'm called to.  Now it's just a matter of figuring out what that looks like for me (even if that means remaining Stateside for the time being) and silencing the world around me telling me how I should be living my life. Following Jesus is a seriously counter-culture move, which often means going against the grain of popular culture and thinking.  So, in short, I am a bit of a weirdo...and I am ok with that.

It's good for me to live in the midst of uncertainty for the time being because that ensures that I am constantly seeking God on what's next and remaining interruptable and ready for anything.  As I take much needed time to reflect on the last several months and reconnect with myself (since I have had no alone time in 4 months), I look forward to finding who I am again, the simplicity of Me in a culture that wants me to feel complex and busy.  I believe with my whole heart that I will at some point return to India (how could I not?) but I have no idea how soon that will be or in what capacity it will pan out.

I would LOVE prayer for finding a job and place to live since income and housing are 2 staples of normal life here.  Even if I only settle for a couple months...or a couple years, I want to make sure my time here is rich with blessing others as I continue to grow personally and come into my calling as a Christ-follower.

Here's to bringing a piece of India home with loving others, to serving the Church, and to remaining flexible.

1 comment:

  1. We are so pleased to read your blog Elana. I felt like you summeraized my feelings as well. Downloading our trip to India from an internal perspective has been much more difficult than I'd expected. Each time I share my story, I rediscover key messages for myself, about my expereince. You are a gifted writer and I look forward to tracking your journey. You will be in my prayers! We'd love to have you stay with us for a few weeks during your seeking, as our guest; our home is open to you!