Life in a Day.

I just got through watching a film called Life in a Day [watch it here], 90 minutes of the most inspiring and simplistically beautiful footage I have ever seen. Yes, that is quite a dramatic claim, but I have to attempt to convey just how much this cinematic masterpiece moved me. It's a documentary with a very straightforward and even provincial goal: to portray a single day lived out all over the world. The day was July 24, 2010, making a full moon just about the only significant and notable feature about it. The film moves roughly in chronological order throughout that given day, jumping from location to location and culture to culture, making it a positively absorbing experience. What struck me most about the film, which I guarantee will make you laugh, cry, smile, and stare in horror, is that the things that connect us as humans are the same throughout every country and culture...and are so simple.

Ok, I realize that sounds like the philosophical (albeit sophomoric) realization of an eighth grader, but as someone who has spent a little time living cross-culturally, I know how easy it is to forget the heart of what truly connects us all. When you take away common language, traditions, and food, and sprinkle in simple, yet hard-to-comprehend cultural nuances, you easily find yourself in denial that you were born on the same planet as the people you are facing daily...forgetting that you are both human and both have needs, desires, and emotions...everything just feels foreign and unrelatable.

Though I know it's unrealistic, I wish everyone was required to spend some time living within another culture; I believe there are few experiences as eye-opening. Coming to acknowledge and appreciate the common threads woven between us as people, as pieces of the same Creation, is truly mind-blowing. To finally put your finger on the human condition, on the things that we are all afraid of (loneliness and death), somehow, in a crazy and unexpected way, empowers us to relate to one another through all of our day-to-day differences. The world at large is dauntingly complex and full of a million cultures, languages, and lifestyles that might always puzzle me, but something beyond myself drives me to want to touch it, experience it, feel the pain, loss, love, joy, and intensity of other people. I guess it's safe to say that's a large part of the reason I desire to live in India again, because there is something about intangible human connectedness that draws me outside myself and closer to the all-powerful God who set this universe into motion. In our basic form, what we all desire is God and what we all fear most is a lack of God. If we as Christ-followers can begin to reframe our view of the world and see others as extensions of ourselves in God's creation and image, IMAGINE the ways in which we could experience life and love others. I shudder to think I may spend another moment of my time on earth living outside of the incredible existence that is ours to take hold of.

So with that I humbly ask you, what are YOU waiting for?

Milk was a bad choice.

I should be sleeping instead of blogging...but the last several nights I haven't been able to fall asleep until well after 2 or 3am. My goal was to be in bed and asleep by midnight...it's almost 1am. I guess next time I should adjust for a more attainable goal?

I have been thinking a lot about leaving India and what that means for me in the way of closing this chapter, beginning a new one, and figuring out all the pages in between. I couldn't begin to describe my emotions at my current situation but I do know I'm feeling restless and ready for some of the old familiar. Since no detectible levels of processing seem to be occurring in my cerebral real estate, I will move on to more trivial matters.

A few nights ago I went out to see Iron Man 2. I know this might sound so ridiculous, but I wasn't even aware they had movies playing here that are in English without subtitles. In nearly five months, this is the first movie I have gone to (why didn't I know about this phenomenon earlier?!). We went with a new friend who is Indian-American and is studying at a medical college next door to where we live. Being that she is an American transplant, she understands so much of what we have gone through during our time here. It was refreshing to share some discussions and laughs with someone who gets our cultural nuances.

Seeing a movie here is like crossing the border of a militarized country; they search you and the contents of your bag more thoroughly than a high security airport. I was totally busted when they discovered a bag of gummi bears hiding in my purse; they take their food crimes here very seriously. I watched as they temporarily confiscated my snacks and my digital camera battery...yet made no mention of the relatively large pocket knife keeping company with the always perilous gummi samurais and the radioactive battery laser gun. Go figure. They were lucky I wasn't there to stab the employees and make off with all the rupees I could carry.

The only draw backs to my movie going experience (minus the search and seizure bit) were two wholly obnoxious, loud, and crude guys sitting a couple of rows back from us. They were the only ones in the entire theater who thought they had riotous senses of humor...and trust me, they DIDN'T. If I would have heard ONE more comment about Scarlett Johannson's butt mingling in a sentence with the phrase, "your mom...," "last night...," or "*&$%#"...things might have gotten even uglier than their foul sailor mouths. They were Indian-American, also come back to the motherland to study medicine; God help me if I ever wake up in the ER peering into one of their faces. I shudder at the thought.

It's really no wonder why the world hates Americans, producing such upstanding citizens and all.

With that, it is bedtime. Goodnight, India. Goodnight, America. Goodnight, American dudes living in India studying medicine at a nearby college working so hard at your school assignments that you have zero intellectual activity available for use by the end of the night when you are at the movies...you should have stayed at home.

Re-entering the Atmosphere.

Living in India has been hard.

Very hard.

But, today, a taste of "real life" hit me and I was reminded of the world I am about to step back into. I received an email from my student loan company reminding me of a payment due...and suddenly, to my dismay, I was reconciling, adding, subtracting, calculating, planning, calendaring, and spreadsheet-ing.

It's been over four months since I have paid a single bill.

Until today.

And suddenly my life is once again on the verge of the mayhem I couldn't wait to leave behind last winter. This is a prime example of why the Grass is Always Greener Theory is bologna: while I was in the States last year I was working a job I hated in the corporate world and struggling to get on my feet as a new college grad. The idea of coming to India was romantic in it's anticipated simplicity, yet once I arrived and was faced with the realities of this foreign environment, I began to pine for those comforts I left behind. I have since adjusted as best as possible to this parallel universe but this ultimate truth prevails: every situation has its downside and its silver lining...no matter where I go and what I do, I will always struggle under varying degrees of discontent.

Simultaneously ending this chapter and beginning a new one in "familiar" life is already starting to present challenges. I am out of mainstream American culture; I am clueless on current events, newly released movies and music, and all other things typical-pop-culture. Where do I begin to reintegrate after becoming so separate and how much do I actually desire to seamlessly fall into the cushy consumeristic lifestyle I once knew? I am disconnected yet longing for my roots; I have yet to find the ideal balance between the two. I desire to stay aware, alert, and sensitive to the world but part of me also looks forward to shutting everything out and sleeping for a week straight to rebuild myself upon returning home. I am stuck somewhere between responsible world-citizenship and feeling superficiality beginning to suck me back into certain aspects of life. How can I live the way I did knowing what I now know?

Impossible.

As I figure it out, in the meantime I want to appreciate everything about India that I like and love while it's still at my fingertips. I am also anticipating many things about the States that I haven't seen/tasted/smelled/experienced for the last 4 1/2 months (it will be nearly 6 by the time I return home...)

-avocados

-cake (cream cheese frosting and fresh strawberries included)

-CHEESEBURGERS (namely those of the In 'n Out and TK Burger variety)

-mom's home cooking

-sandwiches

-salads

-Bagels

-endless amounts of fresh fruits and vegetables (except cauliflower and potatoes, had my fill of those here)

Beyond food items, I am also looking forward to going to the beach, my friends being only a phone call away, comfy couches, and summer BBQs.

For everything I have learned here and am still learning, the lesson of appreciating all I have been blessed with is a frontrunner at the moment. I am looking forward to feeling embraced and comfortable for a time so that I can restore myself and really begin to absorb all I have collected from this endlessly difficult, beautiful, and complicated culture.

I can't think of anything else thoughtful to say, I fear I am too overwhelmed with thoughts to birth anything more that's even remotely cohesive. Adding insult to injury, I am very hungry and completely exhausted. Once again, I have stayed up too late and am allowing myself to be distracted by what's to come. Even if my blog post doesn't reveal my desire to finish strong here in India, I'm truly wanting to make sure I leave a bit of something useful and meaningful behind; I have put in too much to not go out with a bang (for lack of a better descriptive). I have a lot of work to do in the next 14 days.

See you all in 5 1/2 weeks...

The Biz.

Unrelated to anything else in the universe, can we please for a moment appreciate the facial hair in this photo?

To my complete dismay, I have done a terrible job of blogging about what my daily life is like here in India. I somehow think I should only blog when I have something profound or deep to say (stupid), but I would like to take more opportunities just to describe what it is I actually do here.

During the week I follow a basic schedule that consists of waking up around 8:30am, going to a prayer meeting at 9:00am (which I haven’t been very good at doing lately), and starting work around 10:00am. I use the term “around” because nothing in India is ever on time, I have mentioned the phenomena of Indian Time before; the only thing predictable is that everything is unpredictable. Based on my distaste of anything curry before noon, I usually skip breakfast or satisfy myself with a banana or care-package-sent granola bar (thanks, Mom!!). I live and work in the same big building. The basement is where the offices are and where I sit and work much of the time. The ground floor is a large multi-use room where events and church services are held. The first floor (or second floor to those of you who don’t speak UKisms) has a few sleeping rooms, a prayer meeting room, and the kitchen and the dining room, where I take most of my meals (save for the McDonalds runs…we get desperate around here). The second floor is where my room is, it also has a couple other rooms and the apartment where my boss and his wife live. Finally, the top floor above my room opens onto a huge rooftop terrace (my favorite architectural feature of Indian buildings). I am sitting on this wonderful terrace as I write this and I can see the city on nearly all sides of me. It’s a great place to watch the smoggy sunsets and catch some “fresh” air. Each day around 5:30pm I stop working and go about my evening which usually consists of either going out into the city to walk, get food, or run errands, or reading, writing, watching TV shows on iTunes, or sitting on the terrace.

A noteworthy thing about Ludhiana (the city where I live much of the time), it is NEVER quiet here. At this moment (roughly 30 minutes before sunset) I can hear tons of birds, cars, tuk tuks (auto rickshaws), people, hundreds of mangy dogs, children, and Muslim prayers being blasted over the mosque’s loud speakers. I can see buildings for miles, or at least as far as the pollution allows. The land here is very flat and lacks any especially tall buildings (minus the one very tall and large Hindu temple due west of me)…I am in fact on top of one of the tallest buildings I can see, making the view the best around. Truthfully, beyond the piles of trash and rubble everywhere, there is something wonderfully enticing about India and its many diversions from my familiar life in the US.

Beyond the physicality of the place where I am living, my job here is equally challenging, diverse, and unpredictable. When you are working for a passionate, opinionated, quirky, strong-willed Indian boss, anything can happen...and I mean anything. It definitely keeps me flexible and on my toes, good things for me. Basically my job here places me as 50% of the communications team for OA. My main task is to create communications geared toward North American supporters and granting organizations. Recently my wonderful partner-in-crime and I rejuvenated an already quarterly-generated newsletter with a more Western feel and tone. I am essentially the go-to girl for all things English...writing, editing, story telling; I guess you could call me the Grammar Guru, if you will (and I hope you will because who doesn't love cheesy Indian jokes?). I have also edited some books, training manuals, and other materials written by people here who don't speak English as their first language and appreciate my ever-present gift of gab (at least someone does!). 

My next task is to help OA organize and collect information on some of the hundreds of people groups that are represented in India. They are working on making information profiles and short videos for each one in order to help keep track of which people groups have active ministries/social projects within them and to help get grant funding for each specific group. Tomorrow, said partner-in-crime and I will travel 23 hours by train to the state of Uttar Pradesh, to a city called Kachhwa, to spend two weeks working with another branch of OA. We will be responsible for taking pictures (cue photographer), video, and digital voice recordings of a smattering of people from each people group represented in the area. It should be awesome to get out and about and see a whole different part of India...but I will let you know for sure just how awesome it is sometime post the 23 hour train trip from H-E-double hockey sticks.

Side note and personal plug: I will also be celebrating my 25th birthday while in Kachhwa, please pray that I can find myself a pool, go-kart track, miniature golf course, trampoline or some other form of fun to appropriately celebrate a quarter of a century of mayhem that is my life.

Promise: pictures of where I live to come soon-ish, though it will have to wait until after my 2 week trip to Kachhwa...you know how I just love to keep you all on the edge of your seats...

I am Woman. Hear me...meow?

I have now been living out of the United States for ten weeks. Ten weeks seems like a tiny blip on the timeline of an entire life, yet I feel as if I have learned a lifetime’s worth of lessons already. For all the adjusting I’ve done and the grace I’ve been shown in learning to live in a foreign culture, there are still some aspects of this life that will never sit well with me. One of my largest stumbling blocks is facing the way women are viewed in Indian culture.

Right out of the starting gate let me preface what I am about to say as my personal, albeit strong, opinion and experience. I will not make the claim that I fully understand what it is like to be an oppressed woman in today’s world and I will also refrain from making this a feminist bash on all things male; that is not my style. This is merely a snippet of my current struggle for understanding in my ever trial-filled time of adjusting to life in India.

From what I have been told and what I have seen, women here are regarded in many ways as second-class citizens. I do however hear many Indian Christian men convey their respect for female leaders in ministry, so I will stick to vast generalizations that don’t necessarily account for the other end of the spectrum. Please know that I acknowledge there are no absolutes, not everyone is the same or thinks the same…obviously.

When I was first in India, I had a discussion with an Indian man about how women are openly treated as inferior to men within their culture. My initial experience was quite the opposite; I was merely one woman in a mix of many people who were all treated like royalty--it was sometimes even difficult to accept; everyone seemed to love us and almost be in awe of our…whiteness, maybe? Forgive me if that sounds ethnocentric, I realize it does but I couldn’t get past the fact that people seemed to think we deserved a greater level of respect and every explanation I ever received about it had to do with the color of my skin (it’s related to the Hindu caste system and how the shade of skin is directly relevant to one’s caste level…it’s complex and not worth getting into, I don’t even understand it completely). Anyway, post mission trip royal bliss, I began to understand more of the realities of Indian culture for a woman (sort of), after all I have been living these realities out (sort of). Even from my sheltered and protected circumstances, I noticed immediately that men and women are not on equal planes, even if solely for the reason that it’s inappropriate for people of the opposite sex to have prolonged interaction when they are not married. Suddenly I was thrown into a world of men that wouldn’t address me directly, invite me places, or shake my hand…yet they would extend all these polite formalities to my male teammate and friend. I was able to get past certain aspects of these social norms, it was just a bit of an adjustment to my thinking. I mistakenly thought, “no big deal, I can totally do this!” Before I knew it though, I seemed to be excluded from things merely because I am a woman and not a man.

The toughest thing is feeling like my freedom is impinged because I am a woman. I have been told that I am not allowed to live alone and it is ill advised that I go anywhere alone as well. I admit that I don’t know all of the cultural nuances regarding Indian men and that many of these restrictions are in place to perhaps keep me “safe,” even if the Indians around me do resort to the most conservative meaning of the word. I suppose this is where my pride jumps in and kicks and screams while proclaiming, “I am a strong, independent woman who can take care of herself!!!” Frustration ensues.

For all the ways Christian Indian men go out of their way to avoid being alone with me, addressing me, or even sitting next to me in a vehicle, the whole of the culture outside my sheltered walls seems to digress from feeling the overwhelming need to always be appropriate. Case in point: whenever I walk outside I am constantly stared at by men AND women; they don’t see a lot of white people here. Ok, I could handle it if that’s all there was to it but when it comes down to men actually following me around a store just to smile, stare, and make comments under their breath, it’s really quite tiring. Even when I am out with another male (who, because his skin is also white, is inevitably assumed to be my husband), it doesn’t seem to stop them from giving me their attention…though when I am out alone it is exponentially worse. Men start to actually make their in-poor-taste comments directly to my face, even from across the street. I have even had a group of guys on a motorcycle follow me down the street while I was walking, leave briefly to rally more of their “bros,” then carry on following me like a pack of salivating dogs. Forgive me if I sound insensitive, I don’t hold this view of Indian men because they are Indian, many Indian men are extremely respectful and fun…so let’s not throw the “R” word around, that is not what this is about.

Moving on. All my circumstances here are forcing me into a constant state of varying amounts of discomfort. I say this more as fact than in a negative sense, being consistently challenged is what’s creating learning and growth in my life, for which I am very thankful. In the meantime, my very strong-willed character is being broken down and redefined as I learn and relearn what it means to be submissive to people and situations which are beyond my control. As much as I feel frustrated by the fact that people here seem to think I am limited because I am a woman, I know that I am learning a great deal of patience and grace, both things I normally lack.

I am still formulating my thoughts and opinions of Indian culture; that is something that in our humanness we will inevitably do. I can offer peace of mind that there are many things about India and the people here that I love and appreciate; I don’t want to paint the picture that Indian culture is all bad when it’s quite the opposite. This woman-ness issue is much more about my personal ego than anything else…I apparently have a lot larger ego to deflate than I thought. The more I think and write the more I feel I am just a prissy white girl whose first experience in the Eastern world is getting her panties all in a twist...which is probably true. Even though coming from Orange Country I KNOW what a prissy white girl is...and it's not me...but the truth is, I am white-bred, raised and cultivated to be comfortable and "safe" (there's that dang word again). In any case, regardless of my ignorancies (is that a word?) and shortcomings based on my limited environment growing up, I am glad to be here and facing challenges that I wouldn't otherwise face in the States. Most decidedly, widening my worldview and understanding of culture is worth the pain.

India Through My Eyes.

Many people have been asking to see pictures I have taken since I have been in India. I have taken tons and am working on creating an online album so you can view them all at once...but until I make the time to complete that task, I decided to at least tantalize your senses with a few shots that will allow you to see a small glimpse of the India I have so far experienced; pictures honestly don't do it justice.

I have to admit, I have a hard time even looking at these images as I have seen so much more behind them that will stay with me forever. Since most of you may not ever have the chance to see these hidden treasures and tragedies with your own eyes, I have attempted to capture bits and pieces of this intoxicating nation, whether it be beauty, filth, joy, or sorrow. I hope you will be impacted by these tiny slivers of my experience.

Young girl with her baby brother in a small village outside Ludhiana.

Women carrying water jugs in a poor village outside of Tenali.

Young Hindu girl with her proud mother on a ferry ride to an island village outside of Tenali.

A slum in Tenali; people gathered to receive handouts of food.

A beautiful woman in a small village outside Tenali that begged me to take her picture then show it to her on my camera.

A roadside food stand where we stopped to eat.

Hindi words painted on the inside of an abandoned stable outside the city of Ludhiana.

Doors into an Indian home, Ludhiana.

[Insert Clever Title Here]

Current Soundtrack: Death Cab for Cutie

It's Saturday and I am supposed to be working...but I can't concentrate at the moment. For the first time in a couple of weeks I am sitting comfortably in just a long-sleeved shirt indoors...rather than having to bundle up in a coat and scarf to be warm. For this small thing, I am grateful.

I have been doing some reading on culture shock and adjusting to a foreign lifestyle. The simplest way to overcome the trials of this major adjustment is to focus on the things about the new culture that you really love and appreciate. I have spent a good amount of time mulling over the things about Indian culture that I dislike, detest, despise. The last couple of days I have tried a different approach as I have sought out to dwell on the things about this place that I love.

I love my space heater. Yes, it sounds mocking and sarcastic, but I mean it in the most genuine of ways, I would be miserable without it. In fact, I may not even still be in India if it weren't for my trusty little heater sidekick. Heat is something I have never stopped to think about as a blessing. Let me tell you, when you live in 40-60 degree weather in an uninsulated, concrete building, you learn to appreciate things like heaters.

I love the many rich visuals of India. Sometimes it is impossibly hard to SEE some of the things here but more often than not my visual senses are overwhelmed with beautiful colors, textures, and people. Despite all the ugly parts of humanity, there is much beauty to be appreciated in this country.

I love the pace of life here. But, to be completely frank, I also hate the pace of life here. Time in India is completely loose and flows at its own speed. Nothing moves quickly or with precise intentions; things seem to almost skip and trip forward and randomly, by complete chance, end up in a somewhat recognizable state. Everything about my driven, type-A way of living is being challenged here. If I don't have something to DO or focus on at every moment, I immediately feel bored, unused, unfulfilled. In reality, I believe the Lord is trying to teach me to slow down and just be. Sure, we all talk at times about learning this cliche lesson...but never has it truly been put into effect as it is here in India. I aspire to learning and mastering the discipline of being; many great people have chased this goal in their lives. I hope to be able to soon report back that I am content with being still, being alive, and just simply being.

I love that I have the opportunity to appreciate the small things in life, the things you always long to appreciate but you never really have the capacity to. Things like a warm blanket, a close friend, a long hug, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Thank you, India, for all the things you are teaching me and the ways in which you are challenging every fiber of my being. May I learn to bless you as much as you are blessing me.

Namaste.

Welcome to India. Ok, so I have possibly already worn my welcome slightly...I have now been here for 15 days, if you don't count the time it took me to travel from the States. I feel as if I have already lived a legitimately lengthy lifetime since I have arrived in this mysterious place that is India. If you sense an air of sarcasm in my tone, you would be correct in assuming that adjusting to life here isn't all sitars, incense, and maharajahs. However, dear India, I must admit you have captured my heart in a way that surprised me, the result of a complex intertwining of ugly and beautiful, elegant and hideous, intoxicating and gag-worthy.

I would like to start from the beginning but alas, trying to completely describe my experiences here thus far would take days...if it's even a possibility at all. Suffice it to say that the last 2 weeks were filled with many wonderful moments and intense ministry as I built great relationships with 31 amazing individuals...while simultaneously overwhelming my senses with some of the most gruesome, stomach-churning, and gut-wrenching things I have ever laid eyes on.

India is so poor. "Poor" is a rather pathetic adjective in this case, it perhaps even wins the understatement of the year award. The living situations of the people I have encountered recently are more than mind-blowing, they are inconceivable...and I have even SEEN them. Spending two weeks in Tenali, India was merely embarking on the tip of the world's largest iceberg in the middle of the Arctic ocean wearing only a skimpy bikini. Translation: it would be completely impossible to solve every problem, clothe every child, and feed every empty tummy that exists in that city...and coming to that realization was a hard knock to my ever-lofty savior complex. What great humility I faced seeing the realities of the Third World. It was so heartbreaking that I initially shut off entirely, feeling nothing but...nothing. After a few days stuck in the abyss of nothingness, I had a total breakdown, finally feeling the overwhelming heaviness that is India itself. I figured all I could do was to love the few people I came in contact with, meet a few needs, and encourage a few souls toward the freedom found in the Lord...and then come to terms with the fact that change comes slowly but one soul touched is still a step in the right direction.

Fast-forward to today...I am now in Ludhiana, India, a city north of Delhi. How far north depends on the type of vehicle you take to get here...6 hours by car, 4 hours by express train, and 10 hours by cockroach infested slower-than-molasses-train, our personal favorite and preferred method of transportation. Cory and I arrived in Delhi this past Saturday. I ended up very ill from dehydration for the night but was well enough to travel by said bug-train on Sunday afternoon and evening. Let's just say I was NOT prepared for all that is India train travel and it's less than comfortable accommodations. It IS true what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I promise to start to blog more from here on out, I am finally settling in and starting to actually work. Until then let's take a moment to appreciate some new-found India-isms:

-Ludhiana. Population: 3.5 million. Stoplights: 1. You do the math.

-Indians eat ketchup on their pizza. Before you scoff, TRY IT.

-In India, speed bumps = speed breakers...this phenomenon not only takes the place of stoplights on the road, but in homes and buildings you will find that doorways are raised about 3/4 of an inch from room to room...and do dandy at breaking your speed via tripping you. Every time.

- Indians refer to surge protectors as spike busters. It's true. And for the last few days when an Indian person would refer to a spike buster, I was sure they were saying "spy buster" and wondered what fabulous video game, stun-gun shenanigans I was missing out on. Clever Indians.

- There is no such thing as trash day here. When your trash builds up to an impassible pile in front of your residence, you merely throw a lit match towards the general direction of the vile skyscraper...and the trash is officially taken out. Best chore in the world.

-Fact: your bathroom is where your behind is.

-Fact: it IS possible to get sick of Indian food.

-Fact: Indian people are incredibly hospitable.

-Fact: riding in an auto rickshaw in India is one of the great milestones in one's life.

More to come soon.

P.S. I am going to attempt to learn Hindi. I already know 3 words.