Thursday, February 12, 2009

Ants Marching

Current soundtrack: Ryan Adams

Thank you, Dave Matthews for the borrowed title.

Today I was immersed in my first corporate America experience. I started a new job. In a high-rise building.

You know, one of those all glass types...the kind where you wonder how in the engineering universe they are structurally sound.

The kind that make you think of throwing large rocks just to know what sort of immensely deafening sound of shattering glass would come out of it.

And, in walking up to slick glass doors, mirrored and flawless elevators, beside immaculately groomed business men, I wondered what it would feel like to watch that world disassemble into a pile of shards. Then I shuddered.

Nothing about this foreign world is me. The fake smiles, firm handshakes, and glossy makes me wonder if I am in danger of losing the most crucially wonderful parts of myself; the wild abandon that drives me to romp in the wilderness, get dirt under my fingernails, allow my misplaced hairs to blow in the wind. The part of me that is connected to the universe at a mud and grime level. Primal even.

I must acknowledge how fortunate I am and that I refuse to allow my solemness about my new position take away from the fact that I am blessed and was given this job during a time when millions of Americans have been laid off. I know I am one of the lucky ones. And I am deeply humbled and grateful.

Until the day I am set free upon the world to make of it what I always dream of, I will contently park my car between all the BMW's and Mercedes Benz's of the world and know that I have been given an opportunity that 75% of the rest of the human race would kill to obtain.

I may not understand why I was chosen for such a blessed existence but I am doing my best to truly appreciate that.

And for more reasons than one I have nothing left to do but smile and feel deeply satisfied.

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