Current soundtrack: Radiohead
Perhaps there is such a thing as too much blogging. I think I need to get a more interesting life.
But, until then, per the request of some of my ever-wonderful yet kooky friends, I have found the once lost "Little Book of BIG Quotes" and am posting them here for your reading enjoyment.
Preface: Do not judge the sharpness of our wit based on the amount you laugh out loud during the following. For most of these you really did have to be there...
"Bling momma's baby ain't happy." -Sara
"Morgan Freeman locked me in the basement." -Elana
"I wish you were a redhead so I could call you fire crotch." -Elana
"I'm a fancy prostitute." -Tracy
"My life will be complete when I have a monkey lover nibbling on my buttock while I am naked." -Elana
"There's no way I'm tasting poop." -Sara
"Ew! Don't tickle my kitty." -Elana
"I have a torn wenis." -Sara
"Those are very small boob-berries." -Chris Hoffman
"So easy, no wonder Elana is #1." -Online slogan generator
"Something is crawling in my crotch and it tickles." -Sara
Tracy: "It's like a cave..."
Sara: "A cave of wonders."
"I just want to suck on that chin. Yowzer!" -Elana (in reference to Jay Leno)
"They're succulent, juicy breasts. You know, breasts come in all different sizes." -Chris Sayler (in reference to chicken)
"I just want to look at it. Stop! I just want to look at your penis!" -Elana (to the infamous cat, Oscar the Grouch)
"I got a glimpse of your boob and thought, 'Wow, Elana's got a rack on her right now.' " -Tracy
Chris: "Yeah and she was kinda flat before." (In reference to Hillary Duff's vocal abilities)
Sara: "Oh, did she get a boob job?"
Elana: "I was a scary movie virgin when I met you."
Tracy: "I popped your scary cherry!"
"No, you're going to screw my nipples!" -David
"My crotch is vibrating." -Elana
"When you talk in a British accent it makes you sound more smarter." -Chris Sayler (while speaking in a British accent)
"Open foot, insert mouth." -Chris Sayler (in response to the above blunder)
Chris Hoffman: "If we're talking about the Brad Pitt from Troy, then yes, I want to have sex with Brad Pitt."
Todd: "If from Troy, then, yeah."
David: "I think Brad Pitt is the one man who has made me question my sexual orientation."
"I wasn't poking anybody's penis." -Elana
"If I were a woman I would want breasts with big suction cups." -David
David: "You know what I was thinking?"
Elana: "That if you were on top of the Eiffel Tower right now you would sing 'Glory Glory Hallelujah' and eat a Twinkie?"
"I would have gotten fake boobs and everything." -Chris Hoffman (trying to persuade David to take him out on a date)
"Yep, I'm pretty much a walking boner." -Todd
"I was gonna plug your bum hole in." -Elana
"You know what I like? When somebody rubs my genitals." -Todd (No wonder you're a walking boner.)
Jo: "There's something sticky on the Northwest corner of the kitchen floor."
Elana: "Wait, Northwest when you're facing which direction?"
"It's only 7 o'clock when you look at it the wrong way. I'm always a lot more drunker than I think I am." -Elana (when the clock actually read 25 minutes to midnight.)
"Three plus three is nine. Six." -Jo
"I recommend you strike first. Take a crap in Elana's bed." -Todd
David: "You always talk crap about Macs."
Jeremie: "I don't talk crap about Macs!"
Todd: "No, I talk crap about Macs."
Chris Sayler: "Wait. Who's Max?"
Elana: "How would that be, pooping Chipotle all over myself?"
"Cheers to good viscosity." -Elana
"I should be inducted into the strawberry daiquiri hall of fame." -Austin
"Your mom is easy and tastes good." -Austin (replying with a lame 'your mom' comment without actually realizing what he was saying)
"I feel like sucking on something, but not chocolate." -Chris
"Mine! Mine mine mine! My beach, bitch!" -Elana
Austin: "You can't really dance to this as a guy..."
Elana: "Yeah you can, you just gotta be gay!"
"This place is new...it's been here forever!" -Sara
Austin smacks Elana's butt.
Elana: "I think I have a bruise there."
Sara: "From the last time he pounded you?"
"Well, we'll just make up the real world as we go along." -Jo
"Aren't the ants in charge of aphids? They hold them captive and they milk them! I think I'm serious!" -Sara
"Wait, the sky turns green during a tornado? Is that because it sucks up all the grass?" -Sara
And all of a sudden I realize just how many sexual jokes we make on a daily basis. Bah ha ha.
I miss you all.