Wednesday, February 18, 2009

For Miss Amy Juliette Nelson

You are not alone.

In fact, we are in such similar places in life that I think you should move back to California...specifically to Newport Beach. With me. In my bed. We can spoon nightly.

Reasons why you should NOT live in Texas:

-It smells like manure.

-There are entirely too many cows there (see above), which I guarantee puts dangerously high levels of methane gas into the air causing undue respiratory problems from essentially inhaling too much poop.

-It is downstream from Colorado...and you DO NOT want to know what those Coloradans put in their water...knowing that they live upstream from Texas. They hate Texas.

-The Dallas Stars are the most hated team (by me) in the NHL, save for the Detroit Redwings. Which, clearly, won't be an issue unless you consider moving to Michigan. Then we might have to rethink our friendship.

-Beef. It's what for dinner. And lunch. And breakfast.

-George W. Bush. 'Nough said.

-The KKK took my baby away.

- People like this live there. He admits that his garb of choice on a sunny day is a wife beater.

-Wife beaters.

-Everything's bigger. Bigger is not always better.

-I do not live there. And probably won't. Ever.

See, all good reasons.

Come home!

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