"Somedays our future, it seems to hang on so tight"

Current soundtrack: Ra Ra Riot and The National

It is not often in my life that I am at a loss for words. I am extremely verbal and have been blessed with highly competent communication skills (thanks, Mom).

I have a lot in my head at the moment...but it's very difficult to get it out in a way in which it represents what I am truly feeling.

Elated.

Confused.

Broken.

Full.

Struggling...

Yet at peace.


While working yesterday I had two very meaningful encounters with customers...I LOVE that about working at REI, I meet the most wonderful people that don't even realize how much they touch my life in little ways.

The first was a middle aged man that needed a backpack. He was so friendly and wanted to tell me all about his new-found desire to get in shape and to get out into the world and see things.

He is going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in a few months.

As I was fitting him for a pack, he started to ask me a little bit about myself and I easily indulged information about things happening currently in my life...there is something therapeutic about talking to a stranger who doesn't know all the gritty details.

With a determined look on his face he stopped what he was doing and looked me dead in the eye. He proceeded to tell me in a serious tone to live my life without hesitation and to wholeheartedly attempt to obtain the things I felt were right and good.

"Don't wait until you're my age, " he expressed passionately.

The other encounter I had was with an older couple who were looking to buy a GPS wrist unit for open sea kayaking. They were definitely in their late 60s or early 70s and positively still so in love with one another. They had this amazing connection to each other, finishing each other's sentences and giggling about it. They playfully joked and nagged one another and got on so easily, it was really fun to watch...I'm definitely not used to seeing that.

I talked to them a bit too, mostly about traveling and seeing the world and maybe even living in Europe and attending grad school...they were so enthusiastic about all my ideas, and told me right off to do them and to embrace my passions. They reminded me that if I didn't do it now, that I would most likely have to wait until retirement...which they admitted was a fun time but they didn't have the capabilities they had when they were young.

The wife thoughtfully encouraged me in saying, "You kids have a whole world of opportunities that we didn't have at your age. Take advantage of that."

And today, on my one day off in a string of ten work days, I sit here and wonder,



what the hell am I doing with myself?



And why am I where I am instead of where I want to be?