Monday, March 23, 2009


Current soundtrack: Coldplay, Viva la Vida

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and you know that everything is just a bit off that day? That is exactly how today feels...perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I didn't get enough sleep last night or maybe that it's that my day started earlier than usual or it could always be the ever-present excuse of it being the dreaded "Monday." All I know is that I feel off.

While driving to work this morning I was met once again with the familiar feeling of monotony greeting me and rubbing in how today would be just like any other day, which will be just like tomorrow, and the day after, and the day's hard to think about without getting overwhelmed and feeling a bit useless.

I forgot to bring a book today to work. I'm tired. I'm under dressed. Not all feels right in the universe, yet I couldn't put a finger on what feels wrong about it.

On the positive side of life, I had a fun weekend. Draining. But fun. Let's just say it was full of friends, food, celebration, dancing, out of town guests, and Disneyland. It was good.

Beyond feeling physically exhausted, my spirit is tired. I'm not sure if it's a negative thing, I think it just is. I am continuing to learn the life lesson all about timing and how it truly is everything. It forms the absolute boundaries of a situation, one that in another time and place could literally be infinitely more or less difficult to handle. I am in a place where I feel pretty secure in who I am and though I feel confident in that, I am at a bit of a crossroads with something and am quite honestly unsure how to proceed. I think I know what I want but within that "knowing" I feel wrought with a certain amount of fear and questions. Generally, the right decisions come hand in hand with risks, I am just leery of those risks quickly becoming my wouldn't be the first time. How do you successfully transfer your wants, desires, and passions from one thing to the next without losing yourself just a little to the thing you are letting go of? I suppose it's unrealistic to feel whole in life all the time, that's just part of the journey.

One good thing in all of my current unknowns is that I don't feel rushed to decide anything, life is just sort of chugging along at a relaxed pace...even though I don't always feel relaxed about it myself. I am definitely learning to be a more patient person, the last 2 years of my life have been forcing me to step up and stretch myself to do that and I finally feel like it's starting to stick.

My office is freeeeezing right now. I think my lack of blood flow is cutting off oxygen supplies to my brain...which feels like it is slowly shutting down...





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